This is our way home

Tydi feat. Audrey Gallagher - You Walk Away

I never really yet got the time to thank, on the blog, all my friends who helped me moving. The thanks go to Rasmus, Mathias, Matiias, Mats and also Olli who later helped with the placement of the furniture after the transporting of stuff was done. The moving went pretty pleasantly and without any losses. We celebrated it all with coffee, a snow fight and some kebab.

Epic snow fight


The livingroom as it now looks

This weekend also happened to be Vappu, which is a national holiday and a festivity classically for workers, Finn-swedes and College Graduates. We celebrated it together with Jonna by going to a friends, Samis, party and then later going home to cook some dinner. The dinner cooking turned into quite an adventure as still at half past ten in the evening we still drove around searching for minced meat. Well eventually we got it and the evening rounded off very neatly. As a dessert Jonna had made us a very neat chocolate cheese cake.

Party time at Samis


Dishes the next morning

Into the weekend we also managed to fit a small flood cause by the dishwashers tubing failing, lunch with Jonnas parents and a trip to Ikea for some basic things such as potted plants. I now have a bonsai in my home.

The bonsai

Pomp

So the short week (due to easter) is getting closer to its end and it seems that its going to be a great weekend. It still amazes me how simple and small things can mean so much.

Today i got the summer tires put under the car. Something i enjoy.
Today was the first night that i slept properly under the new ceiling.
Today my babysis visited me and i got to spend time together with her.

Tomorrow the second test of the three practice tests before the real entrance exams.

Look at me, I am you.

This post is adressed to Jonna.

I have had the most beautiful weekend. I simply could not really imagine things much better despite that i have a flu, there's still lots of dirt on the floors and that all the work and hassle really wore us out and took a toll. I could not have made it without your help and i am so glad i got to share all this with you.

Thanks.

Moving house

Morning soundtrack of today:
Nightwish - Wishmaster
Nightwish - Oceanborn
Moby - 18

So tomorrow i will move house and that means today is reserved for packing and preparing things to be carried out. I've been tearing everything out from their old places and putting it all in boxes. I've found lots of junk, and also lots of things that i had nearly forgotten. Of course there's a lot of beautiful memories but also some that make me very sad due to the fact that i know i might not see ever see those people again.

I also happened to find some pretty useful and neat things among all the junk. Quite the task to find it all since the amount of junk is pretty immense. Close to a third of everything I've found I've tossed away.

I've been pretty down the past week due to exhaustion, or well, more like in a limbo of bipolarity. I might not have been all fair to everyone around me. Still, cleaning up and seeing all of these thing iv collected during my life strengthens my resolve. I'm doing the right thing. And im lucky that i have the most precious of people around me. Great friends, great co-workers, great family and the most precious girlfriend without whom i could not bear all this.

Also, im not alone fighting a battle.
Ganbatte baka gaijn!

Unelmat ja Haavat

"Tässä on helpompaa
Kun mun unelmat silmissä
Seisot mun vierellä
Niinkuin salaa mä toivoin"

The Rain - Unelmat ja Haavat

That which fluttered by

While cleaning up my desk to check what i was to move with me and what i want to toss into the trash i ran into a bunch of old drawings, musings, articles, manuscrpits and other texts and pictures lying about. One of them was a poem from the play Earth and Soul that i participated a summer some years ago in Texas. Unfortunately i can't seem to find the name of the exact person who wrote the poem.

Show me the light in the butterflies eye
Show me the dreams of the earth and the sky

Show me the night
Show me the day

Show me the secret that dances away

There is a rainbow i wish i could climb like a tree
A bug and a boulder that beckons me

Show me leaves in the spring
Show me love on the wind

Show me things that i long to explore
Show me more

Today

I feel a sudden need to learn to play guitar.

On another note, today is the day for voting, washing the car and participating in a moviefilm.

Possibility

To me, life is like a patchwork. Many things, many choices, many paths that come together and form something solid. Yesterdays lesson was about socialisation, that is, the process an individual undergoes while finding his or her own place in society and how that eventually results in integration. Somehow it was pretty easy to relate to.

Today i spent a while checking the apartment with Jonna and my grandparents who helped carry in some stuff as well as gave me some gifts. At least it seems i wont have problems with how to place the furniture and rest of the interior design as i got my own designer right next to me.

Another day another dream

Another set of lessons survived and tomorrow no lessons at all. Then again, friday looms pretty close with the first test. I realized my life has cramped together into a small box where there's two compartments named work and course.

Stars come out

Exhaustion! It's starting to take a toll.

Still from today on i am moving in a new direction.

Salt water

I have barely been home at all during the whole weekend. Still, in my heart, I've been home all the while.

In short the whole weekend I spent together with Jonna. I could not have asked for anything nicer. Saturday we ate raclette, something I didn't even knew existed, and just had a great evening together with her mom and earlier the same day we had, by total coinkydink, ran into two very dear friends who just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Today I managed to grab my books for the upcoming entrance exams and then later just cruised around and spent time over at home. Nothing special but instead a lot of small things that together formed something far greater.

I also learned that sometimes sharing the past might not be an easy thing for those who have to see and listen. But then again, it is the past that has made me who I am. That reminds me, i have to figure out when to have the time to ferry a suitcase into town.

Anyhow, whenever you read this.
Kiitos Rakas.

You'll find yourself alone.

So i sat down in the first row, swallowed my pride, and started to listen.

I finally decided that i will work my ass off, if that is what it takes, to be able to do what i want in life. This time i wont go around failing and blaming that i was lazy, just can't bear studying or generally find school uninteresting. This time i will do my best. This week has taught me that it is worth it, as a matter of fact it is worth it no matter the outcome.

Yesterday was an opening seminar for the one month intensive course i am taking. Three to four hours an evening, three times a week on top of self studying and my work ain't no easy bit. But i was told by this guy that it wont be easy. Usually i don't trust people who try forcing their ideas on me but this time was different. Because this man, he said he wanted to awaken a curiosity in all of us, towards studying, the same kind of studying, according to his words, that a bored child playing in slosh possesses when he sees that yellow lump of snow and he thinks what it might taste like. Yes, this man, he /eated_yellow_snow and then dares to admit it in front of a hundred people. That is something i tells ya.

Of course there are things that will suffer, things that i would not like to have suffering because of me. However, i believe and trust that this will be worth it, come what may. To those who have to bear with me, i apologize.

Today, the first lesson, seemed pretty good. Far better than i had expected to be honest and i am really looking forward to seeing how i will develop. I didn't give a damn about the fact that i was the only one in the group who didn't yet have the articles we're supposed to read and that some of my questions probably sounded idiotic to the others. I still sat in the front row and raised my hand and said what i thought even if it from time to time went totally amiss. The mistakes didn't matter because i came to realize that equally many times i found the mark far better than the others did. Victory to those who dare.

So i decided to make a promise. This promise goes to my friends, my coworkers, my boss, to my students and their parents, my parents, my grandparents, my sisters, my brother and to my Love. But most of all this promise i make to myself.

I promise to do my best.

Crayons

5½

What a week its been so far. No time to really even sit down. I really have to consider if i should become a police man or perhaps an interrogator for the military or some secret service. Well, the work ain't over, in some areas it barely started. You see, i've declared a war against bullying, a war against dishonesty, a war against loneliness, a war against the lack of time and a war for my right to work with what i want. I might not be a good person always but i will damn well do all i can to make my corner of the world a bit better for those that share the lot with me.

Still, tonight felt like the greatest reward for all the hard work. You see, i got the greatest gift. Jonna surprised me with a pack of crayons.

Fool me once... I fool you!

So today the kids tried to trick me. You know those candies that look like chalk for blackboards. Well my class had cleverly hidden away all the normal white chalks and replaced them with this particular kind of candy. Any other day i would probably have fallen for it, but not today. So when i noticed what was going on i decided i'd fire the prank straight back at them.

The first part of the lesson i made sure that i didn't get any real reason at all to write at the blackboard and so the kids were at the edges of their seats as they all tried to make sure they wouldn't miss the moment when i fall for the prank. It actually looked pretty silly since every single one of them was all jumpy and at the same time tried to hide it. And of course, they can't understand that when i see them all act like that it all turns out looking pretty suspicious and silly.

However, slowly the lesson was turning towards the next and as the following lesson was going to be Maths, the kids know that Maths always starts with me writing and explaining things on the blackboard, i opened one of my drawers and in all secrecy took and cracked a proper chalk in two and hid it in my hand. As i explained some things i picked up one of the candy chalks so that they all could see, and at the same moment i turned back to the blackboard i switched it from my fingertips to my palm and the real chalk back between my fingers. At this point, none of them could see what i was holding in my hand and as i started writing the whole room was filled with "whoas", "how did he do that" and "how is that possible".

Then i, of course, turned back to them and asked what all the noise was, pretending i didn't know, and then picked a student to solve a problem on the blackboard. Obviously i had to pick one of the culprits in the whole deal and as she walked up to the blackboard, followed by a silence and wide staring eyes, i switched back to the candy chalk and gave it to her. When she got the candy chalk and realized what she was holding she first stared at the candy, then at the blackboard, then at me and then at the class, as she started laughing and covered her face the whole class exploded into confused shouts and a laughing riot.

Next thing i knew half the class was behind my desk, staring at the blackboard and the fake chalks they had placed out, shouting out in bafflement and wondering how it could be possible that i managed to write with a piece of candy. One of the students even tried to write on the blackboard with one of the candies, much to mine and his classmates amusement.

So yeah, they thought they'd outsmart me. Turned out, it was me who fooled them. ~___^

Other than that, i carried home the baby above. It's a Mackie D2, and i tells ya, it's built like a tank and sounds more or less like chocolate sauce on vanilla ice cream. Spent a while playing about with it and realized i love it to bits. Also, getting one of these for a third of the price of a new one is not bad at all, especially since they've gone out of production.

I also saw Mulan. Never seen the movie before and i must admit i did like it a good bit. Oddly many Disney movies iv seen of late, although i must say i do like Ghibli productions a bit better due to the deeper plots and more complex characters. Well, it was a great evening with the best of company that i know.

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